Every writer must listen to certain voices in order to write: criticisms from tired professors, rejection letters from disaffected editors, research questions from fellow passengers. it’s about comparison. Dan Brown or otherwise Stephenie Meyer. For me, when writing my first book, my grandmother’s voice was stronger. It has come to represent hundreds of voices questioning my character, my project, my right to tell everything about the country where my story takes place: it is the country that is often criticized. of my ancestors, China.
My grandmother is ninety-two and is the beloved father of my family, but before she knows that my diary is left in her native land, before she knows anything other than my writing He became a victim. His communication skills are often considered questionable.
“How many pages did you write?”
“When are you going to be published?”
“Will your book make a lot of money?”
“What’s that about?”
In most of the world, these questions are probably valid. Journalists are not perfect. We need to live in a state of suspended disbelief, where our people breathe, their stories matter, and we are put on this earth to write them. Those questions killed that dream, and when I started working on my novel, I also started teaching my family and friends not to ask them. Through a combination of incoherent grunts, awkward pauses, sudden changes of subject, and occasional temper tantrums, I was largely successful. Only my grandmother didn’t live.
Then, about six years ago, I moved from New York to China to research my novel, the story of an American family reunited to visit their ancestral home. My Chinese grandmother decided, somehow, what I was writing about, and she added a new question to her repertoire.
“Are you writing bad things about China?”
I was shocked from my normal side. “Why do you ask?”
My grandmother never volunteered her opinion of China to me. I only knew what his life story was like. Because of that, he is a non-defence of mainland China. He was like one of his victims. Born in a Cantonese village, she survived military conflicts, invasions, and the Japanese occupation to become one of the first female historians in China. When the Communists seized power, they were among those who were condemned as Nationalists, elitists, enemies of the people. Forced to flee with four children, she rebuilt her life in Hong Kong, Macau, Taiwan, New York, and finally San Diego. I don’t think I have the right to ask him about China. I can only imagine, and that imagination is what led me to write my story.
Everything my grandmother said, China is misrepresented in the West, and I have a special responsibility:
“Don’t write anything bad about China.”
After a short pause, I muttered incoherently and got off the phone.
I have noticed that certain images of China—the shackles, the famine, the abandoned babies, the traffic jams in Tienanmen Square—seem to linger in the Western mind and invite new and with style. And I know that Chinese censorship is real and hard. But I didn’t expect it to be expressed in the voice of my own grandmother – who, if she chose, could tell her own stories about China.
It became more and more clear by the day that, as a Chinese American writer in China, I had walked into a very conflicted country. I have often heard other writers called “pro-China” or “anti-China.” I’ve heard a lot of shouting over what is defined as “the real China”: Communist rule or new capitalism, developing cities or a poor country. And don’t forget the long-running dispute between the mainland and Taiwan, with both governments claiming to shut down all of China.
Western visitors often ask what I’m up to about China; Chinese people often ask if my loyalties lie with China or America. Many people have wondered how I can write about China, because I have no role as a scholar or expert. They all seem confused when I try to explain that my only objective is to explore the country through the eyes of my characters, not each of them in an easy classification-like China.
Now, I’m used to pressing my phone line, the parts never arrive, the email disappears from my inbox. Like many Westerners in China, I had to accept that I was being watched. I almost told the Chinese authorities not to interfere.
Because every time I talk to my grandmother, she says the same thing. His voice now revealed all the voices questioning my right to represent China, questioning all my words, shrouding me in great doubt until many days later, I brace myself. I can’t write a word.
To write, I had to listen to him. I have to remind myself that it is the duty of historians to write past polemics, to show the complexity and humanity wherever we look. Strong voices are my characters: six strong women who struggle to connect with each other while exploring China through the voice of their stories and personalities, their struggles and secret – the way we know a country we’re going to. My story about the countries of their life like China, where my pictures lead me, started chapter by chapter.
Then I was surprised to find myself calling my grandmother’s voice. At the heart of my journey, at critical moments, I knew I needed to listen to him. Not his words, but the thought behind them.
My grandmother spoke not as a mouthpiece of the People’s Republic of China, but as someone who carried some aspect of her homeland in her bones. And while China is vast, ever-moving, and, in some ways, alien to my senses, it also speaks to something deep inside, to a deep sense of what it means to be Chinese. , although in exile, he was born in America. —a sometimes controversial and often contested concept, a concept that transcends national changes, borders, and generations. This is what each of my pictures, in its own way, feels—like me, with them—and my grandmother’s voice helped light the way.
And so I managed the three years I researched and wrote my book in China and the next three years of editing and publishing, while I managed to call my Grandma every Chinese New Year, every Mother’s Day, every time I go. wricked with guilt if I didn’t, as he was the only one to face the same questioning followed by the same warning. It seems, in my opinion, to be a compromise.
Then, a few days before I launched the book, my grandmother flew into town. He didn’t say he was coming for my book launch, he was just there. I thought the purpose of his visit was not support, but observation.
When we spoke on the phone, he sounded good, like a prison guard handing out cigarettes on the night of his execution. He said he really wanted to see me and the book cover was beautiful.
“I can’t read your book. “English is very difficult,” he said. “So tell me the solution.”
“What do you mean?”
“What did you decide? What is the result?
I faked not being able to speak Chinese and got off the phone.
Nervously, I looked at the passage I had chosen for my first reading. He described the stormy researchers and global entrepreneurs and hard-working students, storms and flying cats and starless nights, starless farmers and recreational enthusiasts, the publication of the mahjong tiles in the teahouse and the snake of the Great Wall, the calligraphists in Tiantan Park. and young prostitutes at a karaoke party.
I thought of my grandmother jumping in the middle of my reading with a finger to curse me: “You wrote bad things about China!”
On the night of my debut, I arrived at the bookstore and heard a familiar voice calling my name. My grandmother lives across the street, waving. I leaned back and jumped inside, where I hid in the closet until I was called to the microphone.
Familiar faces melted into a silent audience. I opened my book and started reading. All I heard was my voice, and through it, the voices of my characters, and through them, the endless complexity of China. When I finished, there was applause and cheers and a long line of laughing people carrying copies of my book for me to sign.
My grandmother came out of the crowd. For a moment, for the first time in my life, he was unconscious. Finally, he said he didn’t really understand, but he knew I did well, and he was very proud.
We hug. I was happy. He pulled back.
“What are you writing next?” he asked.